


A Real Outing

by WintersIce



Category: Dangan Ronpa
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair, Complete, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-12
Updated: 2014-11-12
Packaged: 2018-02-25 02:19:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2604974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WintersIce/pseuds/WintersIce
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fukawa had never expected to be asked out by a boy, much less Naegi. What surprised her more was she said yes to his question, considering her last experience was a total mess. A part of her is continuously telling her to not trust him, but she just wanted to feel happy like any other person. After all, when she's with him her fear vanishes thanks to his kind eyes and spirit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Real Outing

The concept of being asked out on by a boy was something Fukawa dreaded. The words alone would send a shiver of fear up her spine as images of her first, only, and worst date traveled into her train of thought. Back then she had put so much of her being into planning that date. She stayed up three whole nights trying to figure out a way so she could feel happy with a boy and enjoy herself for once. Then came those daunting, cruel, _demonic_ , words spewed out of his mouth without a single trace of remorse, showing how all of her effort was for naught. Then his friends appeared from seemingly out of nowhere bearing nothing but sadistic grins and merciless crackles. She could still see the scene unfold in her mind, hear the barbarous laughter reverberating all over, and see the vicious looks in their eyes. The laughter, the almost inhuman laughter, could pierce her ears and cause them to bleed ferociously.

As such, the idea alone made her want to lock herself away while trying to suppress the rancorous memories of all the torment she faced that one day in middle school. When she heard the word date, she just wanted to lock herself away in her room and find something, _anything_ , to make her not remember. After such a horrible shaming and her self-esteem being destroyed even more, she swore she wouldn't ever go out with a boy again. That she wouldn't fall for some stupid prank by a bunch of hooligans who only wanted to see her in pain. No matter how much fun such a thing could be, it wasn’t worth getting hurt all over again. The only way she would even consider doing such a thing again would be if the boy was someone she actually talked to and trusted completely. That though had a very small chance of happening considering she didn't want to trust anyone, and was always weary around people. So the more likely outcome would be she wouldn't go out with anyone, or fall prey to her delusional feelings and go out with some jerk who in the end would make her feel horrible.

Even the people who call themselves her friend, a statement that she couldn't quite grasp, doesn't really have her trust. She might talk to them when need be and not feel completely pathetic, but it didn't mean she actually trusted them. Finding someone to talk to when you need a person to interact with and having someone you trust are two entirely different things to Fukawa. It goes double, maybe even triple, for any male she speaks to. She learned her lesson from the last time, don't go on a date with a boy you barely talked to and didn't really know. At least she hopes she learned her lesson and won’t do the same thing all over again. Fukawa will always remember that one deplorable event that was yet another scar inflicted on her utterly messed up psyche.

Even so, despite all of the hatred and fear that filled up her whole entire body, she found it very hard to say no to Naegi. Something about him was just so pure, so kind hearted, that she could easily put her trust in him and wouldn't need to be afraid. That he was the type of person who anyone could place their faith in and be rewarded some way. The boy was always talking to her, trying to make her see the good things in the world, continuously trying to make her happy. It was like he made it his goal to make her smile and open her disfigured heart to the people around her. It seemed like he truly did care for her, and a part of her accepted and even embraced it.

The acknowledgement of that feeling floating around her stomach surprised her more his somewhat shy and causal question, _"Would you like to go out with me on Sunday Fukawa? I know you've had a bad experience in the past, but I want to show you that not all of us guys want to make a fool out of you. You can trust me, alright? I want to take you out on a real date and show you how things go when you're with…"_ he dropped his head a bit then, with a noticeable blush crossed over his embarrassed face, _"…when you're with some who truly cares about you, someone who wants you to be happy and smile from the bottom of their heart."_

Those words, all of those honeyed words, it threw her for a complete and somewhat blissful loop. They were just so kind, gentle, seeping with sweetness, and his eyes. Oh, did they look so honest, they didn't even have a single trace of deception or malice. There was absolutely nothing in those stunningly compassionate green orbs that told her he was going to take hold of her disfigured heart and stab it mercilessly with scissors. Even so, despite everything she saw and felt somewhere inside her body, she rationalized that it was no good. That one way or another, he was going to make her feel stupid, just oh so very stupid. For all she knew, Naegi was just some good actor who was able to make himself look completely believable. Or it could be he was just pitying her, that he didn't want to make her feel happy. It could be possible that the short boy could just be trying to make himself look and feel good while mocking her pathetic weaknesses.

Somehow though, despite all of her usual fear and protests, the sentence that spewed from her mouth stunned her, _"A-alright then, I'm only doing this b-because you asked nicely. Don't go and th-think I actually l-like you or anything."_ Why those words poured out of her mouth, why she felt just so happy about it, it all made no sense to her. If this was one of her novels, she would say the female was just being stubborn to admit her feelings to the male, that she really did like him and wanted to be with him. Even so, the female would be far too stubborn to actually accept that feeling. There was just no way that the conversation could be the same, her books and her life was totally different things. All of those sweet and endearing moments could only happen in a fictional world. Her life wasn’t meant to be exultant and sweet, it was meant to stay murky and wretched.

That all happened on Thursday after school ended, and since then she had continued to think it over. Again and again she continued to question those thoughts and feelings. She could tell he was being truthful, and that he wouldn't have blushed for no apparent reason. She isn’t a scientist, but she highly doubts humans can blush whenever they feel like it. When a writer sees someone nervous or embarrassed, they know it. Though why she felt giddy inside didn't make sense to her. It was like she actually liked the mousey luckster. Now that had to be some sort of delusion, the type that she wouldn't use for her writing or to help her escape her dejected excuse of an existence. The only person she would even look at like that is Byakuya-sama, and Fukawa felt that she was positive about that. Every time he insulted her, it just made so much sense. Everything he says is the absolute truth after all. She is a deplorable monstrosity after all, and unlike Naegi, he always knew the right words to say to her. Naegi was just too nosey for his own good and she's deluding herself into thinking he's interested in her.

Thoughts like that were the things that followed Fukawa throughout the days leading to Sunday. She would barely pay attention in class, being unable to follow along with the instructor for her mind was trying to sort out her confusing feelings. Every time she tried to write or read, she couldn't concentrate for her mind always traveled back to the boy and his appearance. She really did like how he looked that day, and recalling it made her happy. Something about the way he shimmered with perfectly candid light made her stomach warm up with bliss. Whenever she passed by or attempted to chat with the brown-haired boy her stomach couldn’t help but fill with gleeful anticipation.

Before the violet haired girl even noticed it, Sunday morning came shimmering down on her. She often pondered why such a bright thing doesn’t burn her away into nothingness. The sun was sparkling with radiance, voices could be heard from the hallway, and Fukawa had a single uncommon and almost out-of-place thought going through her head, _"What should I wear?"_

Unlike her previous outing, Naegi told her he would handle the arrangements. All she had to do was show up by the school's entrance and wait for him, or vice versa if she wanted to be a little late. He told her in a gentle tone that it was alright if she was a little late meeting him in the afternoon. So she wasn't as worried compared to the first time, which allowed her to admit to herself while getting up from her bed, "I-I guess I do trust him a little." That was probably the only explanation she could come up with, and that idea really didn't bother her. Naegi was a good boy after all, so it shouldn’t be a bad thing to have some faith in him.

Her eyes scanned her dorm room, books where scattered all over the place, her manuscripts resting on her desk by her favorite types of pens. Fukawa's room was rather bland, but considering she's a literary girl, she really never thought of anything else she could decorate her room with. The only things she deserved are insipid things that showcase her skill and lack of worth as a human. Not only that, but what would an ugly thing like her need besides the books? Normal people deserved cute and bright things, not her. They are the only things, along with her writing, that gave her any sense of worth.

She then stood up and walked up to her closet, searching through something to wear. She didn't own anything that could be considered girly or cute. Almost everything was long dark colored skirts and blouses. She never got around to getting anything else, though considering the students are mostly required to wear a uniform she didn't feel the need to. A part of her told her to just wear her uniform, but that would be a little tacky. She went and grabbed a simple dark purple skirt, a white blouse, and walked over to her bathroom.

She looked at herself in the mirror after placing her cloths on the railing by the shower, remembering just how disgusting she is. Her revolting face, muddled hair, disturbing eyes, everything about her was just horrific. She’s surprised someone hasn’t come up to her and stated that she belonged in a horror movie. She motioned her head to the shower, pondering when the last time she bathed properly was. She moved her hands to her braided hair, feeling the grease in it. Maybe just this once she could wash her hair, knowing Naegi he would be prime and proper. It wouldn't be fair to him if she was rather filthy.

"Gah, wh-what's wrong with m-me?! I-I shouldn't be putting s-so m-much effort into this!" she yelled out while grabbing her head ferociously and moving it downwards. She doesn't trust him that much, does she?! There was no way! He was going to end up like all the other in her life…right?

"W-was I wrong th-this whole time?" she mumbled to herself while letting go of her head and looking up at the ceiling. Everything he has done was kind. He was always by her side, trying to make her feel better and like life more. No matter how worried she felt, despite all of the fear fluctuating through her, all of her qualms never came to life. Not even a single time. So all of that anxiety was made for no reason?

She sighed and raised her hands up to the bands keeping her hair tied up and undid it. She then did the same to the other one. Fukawa then ran her hands through her hair, undoing the brads and allowing it to fall down her back scrappily. She wasn't much a fan of personal hygiene considering she spent most of her time writing. Besides, shouldn’t precious water be used on people more important than her?

The only times she made an exception was when Genocider ran amuck. After regaining her own consciousness she always felt covered in blood, even when she wasn't, the ideas of brutal murder dancing back and forth, and she felt just so dirty and disgusting. A shower always seemed to help her calm down, even if it was just a tiny bit, it was just enough to keep her shattered nerves tied together somehow.

Then and there she decided that she had to try. She had to take a chance to change her life. Naegi is always supporting her, and she could cling to the hope he gave her. Those thoughts coursing through her brain always hurt her, and made her life hell. If she just believed in the boy, then maybe the honesty she saw in his eyes would be able to destroy those retched thoughts. She just needed hope to change the course of her crummy life.

"You're g-going to get a ch-chance M-Makoto," something about the way she said his first name made her smile and her stomach turn with joy, "I-if you've been lying this whole time, I'll n-never trust you again or anyone else at all." If he showed her a good time and none of his friends show up and mess with her, then she'll try to trust him more. If was funny to realize she did trust him to an extent, and if he didn't betray her she could try to be a little happier.

* * *

 

Naegi was passing back and forth by the gate. It was currently twelve fifteen and Fukawa hasn't shown up yet. He did say she was could be a little late, but that wouldn't change how anxious he is. In his whole entire life he never asked a girl out on a date, much less one who has had a horrible experience in the past. It was true they had ventured out a lot, but this meant to be different. In all reality an outing and a date was almost exactly the same, but it still made him a little edgy. He looked down at his tennis shoes with his hands crammed into his usual hoodie.

He was wearing a plain pair of dark-colored jeans, his trusty hoodie that wasn't zipped up, and a simple dress shirt. He didn't want to dress too casual, yet he didn't want to be too formal, so he decided to go somewhere in the middle. Plus it was just too hard to go anywhere without his hoodie.

"Okay, calm down Makoto," he spoke to himself while trying to keep his nerves in line. It was still just Fukawa, a girl who was really in need of someone she could trust in. He wanted to make her happy, to see her smile, and to get her to stop thinking that everyone hated her being. Along with getting her to grasp the idea that Togami was never going to like her. That her obsession with him is nothing but an unhealthy action that’ll end up screwing with her someday. A date can't be that hard, it’s almost no different than just going out, but the first thing he had to do was hope she was going to show up.

She wouldn't stand him up, would she? Of course not, she agreed to go out with him. If she didn't want to spend time with him, she would have yelled at him to go away a long time ago. Techincally she did do that, but that was a long time ago now. He pulled his phone out of his pocket to check the time, and it seems that five more minutes have passed.

"Girls take long to get ready, right? Maybe she's just running behind schedule?" he mumbled while turning his head to the courtyard. Students from his class and others where walking around doing their own thing. He spotted Ishimaru looking around, and moments later Oowada and Fujisaki arrived and received a small scolding. The odd trio must have made plans to do something. He later saw a girl with extremely odd hair that was multicolored walk by dragging some boy with her. He couldn't tell if the male was enjoying himself, or asking for someone to rescue him from her grasp. Naegi sighed while closing his eyes, she was going to come. She had too, Fukawa does have trust issues, but he did hope he was an exception by now. She always seemed scared around people, but when it was the two of them she always seemed to be little more relaxed.

When he opened his eyes he saw a familiar figure walking towards him. A smile crossed over his face, he knew she wouldn't stand him up! She was taking her time, her hands pulled towards her chest, and he saw her eyes darting to the ground when other students walked by. He chuckled a little at that, and when they finally made eye contact he saw something that surprised him.

Her extremely long hair was kind of shinny for a change, and she had it styled different. A good portion of her hair was going down her back, while the other half was formed into two smaller braids and that where resting against the freed hair. For a moment he was taken back, and then he noted her clothing. It was a little plain, but he didn't mind for it fitted her.

"A-are you going to say anything or a-are you going to s-stare all day?" she squeezed out and he could of sworn she seemed a bit embarrassed. Though for all he knows she could just be angry at him. She was now clutching her blouse tightly, looking like she was trying not to be happy or embarrassed by his actions, "If I knew you were going to gawk li-like a creep I-I w-wouldn't have changed m-my hair!"

He turned his head away from her, his face heating up a bit, "Sorry about that Fukawa! You surprised me with your hair being different. It looks really nice. You know, you look really cute today," he wasn't sure how she was going to react to the cute part. Being an honest guy he had a tendency of saying what was on his mind. He never really thought of what may happen after he spoke those words. She jumped a bit at his statement, obviously not used to being called cute. He wondered if that was the first time someone actually gave her a nice complement. Considering her crummy life, he wouldn’t be surprised. This time she didn't try to hide the odd perverted grin that crossed her face. She then started to press her fingers together and started to giggle to herself strangely.

"Umm, Fukawa? Are you alright?" he asked. This odd behavior of hers wasn't anything new to him, but it still freaked him out a bit. From his stand point it seemed like she really liked the idea of being called cute. Maybe it was because she liked him? That caused him to blush a little and denounce it. Knowing Fukawa, the only person she could even like right now is Togami.

"H-huh?" she spoke, showing she was pulled out of her odd delusion. Neagi couldn't even try to figure out what type of fantasies went flying through her mind. He watched as her face change from to bliss, to utter shock about whatever she was imagining, and then quickly turning her head away from him yelling, "I-I-I'm perfectly fine M-Makoto!"

"Huh?" he was astonished to hear her call him by his first name. She only referred to Togami by his first name. He felt his face flush a bit but gave her a large smile despite her not seeing it. That simple change was enough for him to figure out she was starting to open up too him. That this event is going to allow her to open up to him and allow her to finally show how much she trusts him. At least that was what he was hoping.

"Ignore th-that! I-I di-didn't mean to call you th-that!" she blurted out hurryingly. He could tell she had pulled her hands up to her chest, probably calling herself stupid over and over in her head. He could just hear the insults she was throwing at herself, and feel the dread coursing through his own body. She was always so critical of herself that one single action could set off her anxiety.

He walked up to her and placed a hand on her shoulder softly. Fukawa turned her head to him, her eyes showing the mix emotions storming throughout her, and her glasses slipping off her face a little. He gave her a soft smile, and spoke in his usual sweet tone, "It's alright. You aren't stupid or any of the sort, and I don't mind if you use my first name. We are good friends after all. Friends are allowed to call each other by their first names simply because they trust each other."

She just looked at him, the pain in her eyes disappearing. She was calming herself down and after a few moments of sharing eye contact she raised her head to him while readjusting her glasses, "A-alright. It did just s-slip out though. Don't get used to it. I d-don’t intend to do that."

"Alright then, shall we get going?" he asked kindly while pulling his hand away from her. He had planned for them to do some window shopping, get lunch somewhere, and just enjoy each other's company. He made sure to skip the movie idea, he didn't want to upset her.

"Sure," was Fukawa's simple response while looking away from the boy for a moment. She then looked back at him and gave him what he thought was her attempt at a normal smile. It looked twisted and distorted, but none the less it was a smile. Though he was defiantly going need to help her smile in a less creepy way since she probably could scare kids away.

* * *

 

Fukawa was pretty sure she was losing it. She was more than certain the hope he was giving her was distorting her personality entirely. Why she decided to change her hair style was on a whim, and just the thought that it would have been nice to have more girly clothes frightened her. Then when she finally saw him, he just had to be wearing that hoodie of his. It was like his trademark or something, but she couldn't lie that something deep inside her fluttered. The moment he complimented her, Fukawa felt like her heart was going to run off somewhere. It made her feel just so exultant! Then she had to blow it and say his first name! She always managed to blow something virtuous to smithereens by doing something stupid.

How he knew she was insulting herself stunned her. Even so, he looked just so kind and understanding, like some sort of hero who came to wash away her doubt. It made her fear dissipate, being replaced by some warmth and a reassuring feeling. Why she was getting so worked went over her head, but for once she wasn't trying to get rid of her feelings.

Their date wasn't exactly unique. Naegi took her around the city surrounding the academy, and ventured into all sort of stores. For a while she had kept her guard up, her eyes taking note of all of the people passing by. She had a nagging feeling that one of her classmates was going to pop up and tell her everything was a ploy.

After a while though that snickering sensation disappeared. Fukawa was truly enjoying herself with the mousey boy, especially when he gave her one of his smiles. It made her feel warm, along with a sense of yearning creeping up on her. A desire to stay by his side as much as possible. For when she was around him, her fears and anxiety just seemed to be getting further and further away.

For a while they walked through different shops. One was selling different types of clothing and Fukawa wondered if she should try buying something cuter. The moment Naegi asked her if she was interested in it, she blurted out she was just curious and didn't need it. If she really did want to buy new clothes, she wasn't going to do it around him! She rationalized that cute wasn't her style, particularly for an ugly girl like her. Yet the moment Naegi said she would look cute in it that grin crossed over her face again. If he would like it, maybe she could make an exception. Maybe he would go up to her and tell her just how cute, no, beautiful she truly is! She snapped herself out of that delusion after a bit and felt the need to insult herself. There was just no way that would happen, she doesn’t deserve any complements!

When they left that shop, they just continued to walk around. They talked about this and that, how things were going at school, some of the rumors going around, what the kids in the other classes were up too, just the usual. The world around them continued to turn, and for once Fukawa didn't feel like an entity that was resisting the world's motion. She went along with the world, and she felt like she could be truly happy for once.

They later entered another shop, this time containing different types of knickknacks. Naegi claimed that he wanted to show her something. She followed behind his steps, hesitant to see what he had in store. In the back of the shop was an assortment of different pen holders. Naegi went on and pointed to one with a small plush panda bear holding a wicker basket with bamboo tucked against the weaves of it while sticking out. Fukawa did think the small item was cute and commented out of all the holders it was the nicest. She does think the simple ones fitted her best, but something different could be good for her room. A little change isn't bad sometimes.

Naegi gave her a sweet smile, something she started to realize she really adored, and asked if she would want it as a present. She gave her protests to it, calming she didn't need it. After all, she really was just a dreadful girl who doesn’t deserve anything. Something about staring at him though, everything about him seemingly pure, and that light ate away her resolve. She wanted to receive a gift from Byakuya-sama, but Naegi was an alright substitute. Though for a moment she believed that this was better than anything he could have given her. The heir more than likely doesn’t have an eye for cute things.

After the item was paid for and placed in her hands she couldn't help to bear that goofy grin again. She had to say that it was nice to receive a gift, she couldn't remember the last time she received anything. Plus, even if it was from Naegi, this was the first gift she ever received from a boy and a non-family member. Fukawa continued to smile happily while another delusion of Naegi giving her more things. That though was cut short when said boy snapped her out of her illusion.

Soon they continued to wander all over the place, enjoying the nice weather and being out in the open world. It wasn't long after they went to a fast food restaurant and ate lunch. This was yet another new experience for her. Eating lunch with someone outside of school was extremely different. They didn't have a time limit, and could talk and enjoy each other as much as they wanted to. That was something that couldn't be done in the compounds of the school. Though it wasn't that different since she was with Naegi, the only person she seemed to hang out with. At first she wasn't thrilled with him intruding on her reading time, but after spending time together she started to like talking with him. It was nice actually, to have someone not hating her. Then she still felt it was complicated to talk with him, now it wasn't that difficult. Sure, she still had built ups of fear around him, but with this outing she felt that they wouldn't rear its ugly head. He was proving to her he had nothing planned up his sleeves.

With the lunch completed, the duo started to walk around yet again. The rest of the date just involved them walking around and talking. For a while they had sat down in a park and talked. Fukawa was a little unsure of what to do during that moment and look away from the boy. After some reassuring words from him, she felt her fear vanish. To an average person, they could have called it rather bland. To Fukawa though, it showed that the ideas she was clinging to for so long wasn't true. That she was wrong about Naegi pretending to like her, faking his concern for her, and most defiantly the idea that he only wanted to make a fool out of her.

"So, did you enjoy yourself Fukawa?" asked Naegi when they finally returned to the entrance of the school they also called home. Now there were no students wandering around, most of them probably inside their rooms, with their friends, or eating something in the dining hall. The sun had started to set, and the edifice was bathed in an orange light. Naegi had turned his head towards her when they stopped in front of the gates, "I know we really didn't do anything different, but this was really all I could come up with."

Fukawa shock her head at the boy, "I-I's alright Naegi. For o-once I-I enjoyed myself," she responded to him with a small normal looking smile. She was happy, truly happy for once. Now that was something that never happens to her. She was used to living her days feeling miserable, nagging words eating away her self-consciousness, and the dread of Genocider coming up and killing someone simply because she felt like it. Today though proved something very important, that this simple boy could allow her to feel an emotion that was almost foreign to her.

"H-hey, Makoto?" asked Fukawa while staring at him. Before she felt odd and uncomfortable saying his first name to his face, but now it just seemed right. He said it before, they are friends. Friends, real friends, can do that. She has always wanted to do that, to have someone close enough to her who would be fine with her using their first name.

"Y-yeah?" he asked as his face turned slightly red again. It seemed her calling him by his first name still seemed a little odd to him. She thought it was cute though, something she thought he could never be. Today the word cute really seemed to be on her brain.

"I'm s-sorry for always doubting y-you," she began while looking between the ground and his face, "You proved to m-me t-that you truly do care. I know that I'm usually accusing you of t-trying to make a fool out of me. Today, not a single thing you did made me f-feel like you where g-going to be cruel. So," she paused for a little bit. She was lying a little bit, she still felt some fear, but he didn't need to know that. Besides, that fear was mostly generated from years of feeling cautious around others. What he did need to know was more important, "Thank you. Thank you for e-everything you do f-for me. I finally realized that you a-are my friend. My only true friend in the entire world."

Naegi's face brightened up from her words. It was obvious that he was thrilled to hear those words finally coming out of her mouth. Since they meet all those months ago, all he wanted was for her to call him a friend. He just wanted her to be able to trust him, to feel safe, to not have to worry about the fear of being ridiculed. Finally he could be victorious, he could declare that he managed to gain the trust of one of the most anti-social people there is.

"That's great Touko!" he yelled at her in a joyous tone, "I knew that you'd come around and accept me as your friend some time, and of course you're welcome! You are my precious friend, and I would have waited forever for you to truly trust me!" and then he walked up to her and hugged her.

Now this was definitely something she wasn't used too. Not at all was she used to human contact, and she was glad she did decide to take that shower. She stiffened a bit, thinking for a moment that he could easily stab her. She quickly discarded that thought as she remembered that he proved himself. He truly was her friend, and he even used her first name. The only people who ever did that was her family, but when they used it, it didn't seem as sincere. Half the time they never even referred to her by her name. After so many years, she had finally made a friend who accepted her, someone who wasn't afraid of her bizarre behavior, and someone who would stand by her despite her problems. To say the least she was very joyful, and the beating of his heart against her own chest very calming.

The two then wasn't sure what to say or do, Naegi was obviously happy that the girl had finally accepted their friendship, and Fukawa was happy to be able to feel the warmth of a human. They just stood there for a little before the lucky boy pulled away slightly from her. He was given a good view of her face, and was easily able to see she was a little flustered.

"Umm, Makoto?" she spoke wondering why he hadn't already pulled away from her. Just because she finally acknowledged they were friends didn't mean she found it normal for him to be this close to her. She wasn't complaining though, she liked his warmth and how it made her feel calm. She never had the chance to experience it for herself. The warmth against her body made her feel welcomed, that she had found a place where she belonged. That she wasn’t going to be tossed away like the trash she believes she it.

"Huh? Oh!" with that he instantly pulled away from her, his face flushing a nice shade of red and his eyes not making any contact with hers, "I-I'm so sorry for that! I wasn't thinking at all and I was just so happy to hear you say that! I'm sorry for that, really, I am!" Inwardly she laughed, he probably thought she was going to call him a pervert for grabbing her so suddenly.

"No, it's a-alright. It was nice, your w-warmth I mean," she responded to him while looking away a little bit as well. She thought it would have been better to have Byakuya-sama hug her for a moment, yet quickly jumped to thinking he wouldn't have put in that much emotion into it. The rich boy wouldn't be able to give her the same type of warmth. He’s always so cold and hostile to her, while Neagi was always warm and openhearted.

"Huh?" he spoke in a higher pitch than usual, "O-oh I see, hehehe, sorry about that then Fukawa. Anyway, what did you want to say?" He was scratching the back of his head as the red hue remained on his girlish face. "Th-thanks again for the present," she responded with one of her typical grins while playing with the small shopping bag, "I'm going to s-store only my best pens in this," after all, it was the first real present she got from someone who wasn't a part of her family. Even those presents where out of some sort of obligation. This one was truly genuine, a gift from the heart.

He just gave her a wide smile, the flush fading from his face, "You're welcome again. I'm just happy to know I was the first one to have given you a real present. Your first real present from your first real friend has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?"

"It does," she responded while losing that goofy grin. How long was it since she last felt no sense of no true terror invading her train of thought? That must have been a long, long time ago, "W-would you mind if we do this a-again?" She wanted to feel like this more, to have no fear and just the warmth of a human next to her. If it meant being with him, then she could smile that goofy and perverted grin to her hearts content. Maybe then she could gain a normal looking one?

Naegi is surprised by her sudden question, but quickly responds, "Of course! I would love to go out with you again Fukawa!" his eyes are telling the truth she muses. Those eyes have been telling the truth from the very beginning and only now is she able to see it. She was too caught up in her fears to notice.

She wanted to respond but that one word made her stomach burst with joy and her body started to heat up. She felt so warm just from him saying love? Then it dawns on her and the desire of wanting to flee the scene builds up in her. Even so she can't, not right now, "Okay, t-thanks. You know Makoto, y-you can call me by my first name too." She liked it when he said her first name. It made her want to squeal in joy and fantasize about Byakuya-sama doing the same, but that picture just didn't appear in her mind. It wasn't the blond invading her perverse mind, but the one before her. For a long time now it was the brown-haired boy with the one odd spiky piece of hair. She knew that she was seeing him, but she jumped straight to the blond heir in her own odd way of denial.

"I can? Thanks Touko!" he said happily before looking away to the school building real quickly, "I guess we should get going huh?" It seemed like he was fidgety, wanting to say something more but was having trouble building up the courage for it.

"I guess so," she replied without much care as she started to put some pieces together in her mind. The desire of seeing the blond had been fading for a while, and right here and now she realized what was going on. All she wanted was to have Naegi invade her mind, to encourage her to trust people, to share his warmth with her, to say love again and again. To tell her she mattered, that she wasn't worthless.

"Well, I'll see you in class tomorrow Touko," started the boy who seemed too happy to notice the sudden change in the female. He turned his back on her and walked away a bit, but quickly turned around mumbling something about not wanting to regret anything.

He walked up to her, and quickly ducked his face to hers and kissed her cheek. It was a sweet gesture and he was flushing a bit. He stayed close to her for a while more, that look of benevolence shining brightly in his eyes, the look she absolutely adored. They only shared eye contact, and no words were spoken. This was the final piece for Touko, and it gave her the insight she needed on the boy in front of her. The awareness she was blind too for far too long, or the truth she just didn’t understand.

The odd silence between them continued for a while before she managed to squeeze out, "Y-yeah, I-I'll see you too Makoto." He just gave her a smile and turned away quickly, probably grinning like a complete idiot. It wouldn’t be surprising if he was cheering himself on in his head. Touko watched as Makoto ran off and when she was alone she muttered to herself as she felt tears swell up in her eyes, "I-I'm falling in l-love with him. I'm f-falling in love with Makoto. M-Makoto, Naegi Makoto, I'm falling in _true_ love with him." The concept of love was something she always took for advantage. She would claim to have feelings for the good-looking boys. The type who would never return her distorted image of love, the type who would insult her. Call her insane, tell her she's worthless and that she doesn't deserve to exist. She always did that just so she could be insulted, something she felt like she had to hear. She was so used to being yelled at, it became the norm for her to relay on it for it made her feel like she had some worth. The worth of trash. She had no concept of true love in her real world life, just the image of attraction to a boy who would hurt her.

This was different. These emotions she's feeling, the warmth swelling up in her, the desire be given warmth. This was what love is. She wanted him to hug her, she wanted him to tell her she had worth of a living creature, and she wanted to see his kind smile filled with hope. What she felt for Togami was nothing more than her desire to be insulted, to be told the truth she always clinged to, the words that she felt she needed to hear to continue living. Now she knew all of that had no meaning. That was the true delusion, the thought she needed to be disrespected to be needed.

Makoto wanted to give her warmth that no else has ever done. He wanted her to know she had the right to exist. That her life actually mattered, even if he was the only one who cared. That's the type of love she writes. The type of affection where the two people stood side-by-side, where they both wanted each other to be happy and give them a sense of belonging. The type of love that was meant to bring smiles and warmth to their lives.

Fukawa Touko realized that for once in her whole damned life that she wasn't crushing on someone so she could fantasize about or hear them insult her. She wasn't clinging to someone just so she could be given some sort of attention for her own perverse satisfaction. She wasn’t obsessing over someone she could use to escape her reality. She was falling in love like a real person. She was falling in love with Naegi Makoto, her first true friend that she only just accepted, and that wasn't a delusion.

Touko fell to her knees, bringing the small bag close to her, and the tears starting to pour out of her eyes and cried. These feelings were real, she actually recognized her true feelings for him. They weren't fake feelings that she would make up to help her with her writing, to help her escape reality, they were the real thing. She actually felt pure joy for being so lucky to have been given the chance to be loved by a person who actually cared for her. She could tell Makoto had feelings for her for his actions gave it away, and she was happy. The happiest she ever felt in her whole life. She didn't need to fantasize about what real love was like, it could be given to her now. She didn't need to reach out desperately to be given some sort of acknowledge, Makoto could give it to her! She can finally be loved! Her family never really cared, she never had friends, boys always rejected her, tortured her, criticized her, and created her bizarre notation of love so she could have someone, anyone, tell her what she thought she wanted to hear. Him though, he truly cares about her existence!

"M-M-Makoto!" she cried out to herself. After all of these years of her life, after such a long time clinging to artificial feelings and desires, she could have someone love her. He didn't hate her like she always thought. He never once wanted to make a fool out of her! With his whole entire being he cared for her life, a life she found worthless and thought everyone rejected. She just wanted someone to love her for who she is, to love her through all of her mental problems. The tears she was crying could have been tears of joy. They could have been happy tears for the girl who always wanted one person to accept her life. Even so, those tears could never be happy. Inside she felt happy about it, but she also dreaded it.

Touko continued to cry out, "Ma-Makoto, I don't w-want Syo to kill you!" She was finally learning what true love was, and had someone to return those feelings. Even so, Genocider still existed somewhere in her mind. The other part of her, the completely perverted monstrosity that went around killing males. She couldn't understand the murderer who was born from her wretched life. Her other half was like a shadow, who was always with her. She would never be able to escape Syo, no matter how much she wanted to. For all she knew her other persona could come out of nowhere and kill him simply because she cares about him! Syo already torments her, so who’s to say the killer won’t go ahead and do that? She didn't want that! Makoto doesn't deserve to be stabbed to death and crucified!

She just cried to the sky, as if it was a plea to help her. To save her from the murderer sleeping somewhere inside her body. What did she do to deserve such a fate?! What the hell did she do besides exist to make the world hate her?! She didn't do anything! All she has ever done was try to live as normally as possible! To find a way to ignore her anxiety and get along normally with others! Makoto didn't deserve being close with someone whose other personality could kill him!

After some time her crying resided and spoke, "Would he still c-care about me if he le-learned about Syo?" to herself. Would he reject her if he knew about the fiend inside her? Would he hate her just as much as she hates Syo? Would he call the police on her, or perhaps a mental hospital? Would he have her locked away in a tiny room where she would lose her mind completely? She could finally be happy, but the universe still wanted to make her suffer. Did she do something in a past life to make the world hate her so much?

In the end, she just felt like a complete fool. A fool who finally understands her feelings, but could also unintentionally kill the first person who accepted her. She just wanted to crawl into a hole and die a slow death. She later stood up and wiped the salty liquid from her eyes and made her trek back to her dorm room, "Why can't I just be happy for once? Someone cares about me, and I like them. I actually truly like someone for who they are. So why can’t the world just let me be happy for once?" She wasn't sure what she should do. Is there even anything she could do? What she did know though was that she had to cling to the hope that Makoto would still stay with her. He gave her hope, and was going to cling to it till the very end. That maybe that would be enough to make her life better.

If in the end her life just returns to the hell she has known and suffered through for far too long and Makoto abandons her. If the first person who has completely cared about her gives up and turns his back because of the list of things wrong with her and the murders completed by Syo…

…would it not just be better to end her wretched life and stop her suffering for once and for all?


End file.
